


Brother By Heart

by nitschieh



Category: The Avengers (2012), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-31
Updated: 2012-10-31
Packaged: 2017-11-17 11:45:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/551199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nitschieh/pseuds/nitschieh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You may not be my brother by genes but you will always be my brother by heart, Loki.”<br/>“What if-”<br/>Loki's voice gave up. He didn't want to continue, to give away everything and the last thing that was still his – this little secret.<br/>He cleared his throat and looked the god of thunder directly in the eyes.<br/>“What if I don't want to be your brother?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Brother By Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little something I wrote a few months ago so I don't even really remember what I wrote ._.  
> Hope you enjoy <3

“Please, brother, come to your senses.“, the god of thunder pleaded once more.  
He had spent the last few days trying to convince Loki to give up on his wicked plan to rule mankind. He had always been ignored. Until now since Loki eventually snapped:  
“Will it ever get into your dull mind? I am not your brother!”  
At first Thor was surprised of the other god's sudden outburst but he quickly regained his calmness.  
“Yes, Loki, you will always be my brother.”  
Loki let out an exasperated laugh.  
“This is nothing for you to decide.”  
Thor who was holding Loki's shoulder since he had started talking was moving just a little bit closer.  
“Yes it is.”  
The god of mischief sighed tiredly. Thor just wouldn't get it. They couldn't change the past.  
“You may not be my brother by genes but you will always be my brother by heart, Loki.”  
The look on Loki's face could very well be described as speechless but he soon got the power on his own expressions back. So after a few moments he gathered his confidence again even though there was still a little lack.  
The god of mischief opened his mouth, ready to speak, just to close it again without a single word leaving his lips.  
“What is it, brother?”  
The concern in Thor's voice couldn't be missed.  
Loki flinched, turned his head away from the other one.  
“Loki, talk to me!”  
The grip around his shoulders became tighter as well as the demand in Thor's voice.  
“What if-”  
Loki's voice gave up. He didn't want to continue, to give away everything and the last thing that was still his – this little secret.  
He cleared his throat and looked the god of thunder directly in the eyes.  
“What if I don't want to be your brother?”  
Thor's hands fell to his sides due to the shock that shot right through his body. Loki not being his brother anymore would be like not having Mjolnir by his side. It would be an empty life. He already had to experience how life without the other one was.  
The thought of Loki being dead had been the most hurtful and terrifying in his whole life – even worse that losing his powers.  
“No”, Thor whispered. “No!”  
The god of thunder got louder, his deep voice roaring. He grabbed Loki again, took his arms right under his shoulders in his big hands and pulled him to his own body. Thor held the other god close.  
“I will never let you go again, Loki. I don't want to live without you one more moment.”  
Loki groaned. The blonde tightened his embrace, leaving almost no space for the younger one to breathe.  
“What if I don't want to be your brother anymore...”, he managed to say.  
He hesitated to continue. No one should ever find out about this – especially not Thor – but he couldn't keep it to himself any longer as well. Not when seeing the mighty god of thunder like this.  
“... but more?”  
Thor took one step back to look Loki in the eyes, never letting him go nonetheless.  
“More?”  
The god of mischief bit his lower lip – a sight not often to be seen – and turned his head away once more.  
“What do you mean more?”  
When Loki didn't answer:  
“Loki, no matter what, there could never be anyone who means more to me than my brother does. So what are you trying to say?”  
The other one bit his lip again – Thor couldn't help but stare at it. When Loki finally started talking his voice was so quite Thor had to move in closer to understand him.  
“What about that Midgardian woman?”  
The god of thunder didn't hide his surprise.  
“Jane Foster?”  
“Yes, Jane Foster.”  
Loki spit out her name as if it was the most disgusting thing he had ever said. Thor let his head fall on the other god's shoulder and answered calmly:  
“She is nothing to me compared with how much you mean to me.”  
Loki laughed a bitter laugh but even the god of thunder could detect the lack of confidence in it. The god of mischief put his arms around Thor's broad torso, squeezing it for a short moment before letting him go again.  
“I'm sorry, Thor, but I can't.”  
“You can't what? Damn, Loki, talk to me. I don't know what you're trying to tell me but I really need to understand what's bothering you so much.”  
“You kissed her didn't you?”  
“Who? Jane? I kissed her hand because that's just polite.”  
The other god chewed on his lip again, almost biting off a bit. Thor's eyes widened.  
“If that's the point...”  
He fell on one knee, took Loki's right hand in his and lightly touched it with his lips.  
The scratching of his beard sent a little tingle down to Loki's abdomen but he wouldn't let it be obvious. When the god of thunder looked up from his spot on the ground and his eyes showed more sincerity and still more of the absolute opposite than he had ever seen, Loki pulled back his hand, not wanting Thor to feel his palm become sweaty.  
“You just don't get it, Thor. And you probably never will so let's please forget about this, okay?”  
“No!”  
Loki looked more hurt with every single second they were standing together.  
“No, Loki, you don't get it. You are the most important person in my life – you have always been. I would give up almost everything to have you by my side. I would even promise you Asgard's throne if I knew you would rule wisely. That's why I need you to come to your senses.”  
“You would?”  
Loki seemed honestly surprised. Maybe he really meant more to Thor than he had thought.  
“Would you give up on every single woman?”  
“What would I need women for if I had you? Listen, Loki, I mean what I say! I love you like no other person and I will happily show you every day if you leave the earth alone and in peace.”  
But Loki had stopped listening. His mouth stood open in disbelief, his eyes starting to water up. To not reveal his feelings he closed the gap between them that he had created himself and clung to Thor, hiding his face at the broad chest.  
“I... I love you, too, brother.”, Loki whispered.  
Thor just smiled, pulled the younger one even closer and snuggled his nose in the raven-black hair.   
He had Loki back, his Loki. He squeezed him one last time before letting him go. Thor pressed a quick kiss on Loki's forehead and then led them back to Asgard. Together.

 

 

Thor yawned, making his way back to his room. When he and Loki had returned to Asgard of course there had been a huge festivity – Asgard was still known for it's loud and cheerful parties, how the Midgardians called it.  
It had been way past midnight before Thor had excused himself. Usually he was one of the last people to leave, not going to bed before sunset. But even the god of thunder could feel how the fights in earth did tire his body. His friends had just looked at him in sympathy when he had started to blink the sleep of his eyes.  
So when Thor finally reached his bed – had the way always been that long? - he just dropped onto it not even bothering to undress.

He didn't know how long he had been asleep but it had definitely not been long enough so when someone tugged at his sleeve he really wasn't very pleased.  
With a loud groan Thor turned around, ready to pick up Mjolnir at any time in case he needed to defend himself. But what – or better who – he saw was noone he had to fear – at least he still hoped so.  
“Can I.. Can I sleep in your bed? I feel a bit uncomfortable with all these guards sneaking around my room.”  
“They put guards to-”  
He stopped mid-sentence and just let out another groan. Then he smiled, crawled under the blanket and hold it up so the other one could join him.  
“Sleep well, brother.”  
“Sleep well, Thor.”  
And Thor drifted off to sleep again.

***

The festivities held place for four more days. Thor slowly got his tenacity in drinking back so on the last day he eventually managed to just go – or more like reeled – to his room shortly before sunset. He was surprised to see someone standing by his door but he didn't really mind.  
The other person turned out to be Loki waiting for him. He had never been at the feast on neither of the four days so it was either too early or too late for him to wander around castle. Suddenly Thor was much more awake.  
“What bothers you, brother?”  
“I couldn't sleep well. Would it be alright if I spent the rest of the night here?”  
“Of course.”  
They entered the room together, Thor having his eyes on nothing but his bed.  
“Don't you want to at least take off your armor?”, Loki asked with a quiet chuckle.  
Thor groaned, not really willing to move anymore but eventually obeyed when the other one helped him.  
With a loud sigh the god of thunder positioned himself on his bed still being helped by Loki – maybe he was even more drunk than he had thought. When they were both tugged underneath the blanket and Thor was just about to drift off he heard a rustle behind him as the other one crawled closer until their bodies were pressed against each other.  
“Loki?”  
“Ssh, don't say anything. Just sleep.”, he whispered back.  
And Thor did so without thinking about this any further.

***

It happened more often now that Loki would come to his rooms at night to share his bed. Thor didn't ask him why. He didn't need to know to just enjoy his company. Most times Loki would be gone in the morning, leaving only minutes before the blonde would wake up, his comforting warmth still heating up the sheets.  
When Loki came back this night Thor was already asleep – the first few moments at least. He woke up when Loki put his arm around his waist. It made them be even closer than usually. This was new but the god couldn't care less. Instead he snuggled closer, letting out a content sigh and Loki held him more tightly.

***

Since then it happened almost every day. They would snuggle at night, bodies pressed against each other, enjoying each others' company. Loki would still be gone in the morning and Thor would never ask why.  
Until that one day when he woke up just as the god of mischief left his room. In that moment he suddenly was eager to know. So he stumbled out of bed, hurrying to catch up with Loki. When he had just passed the door to his room Sif called out to him, asking why he was up so early.  
“I... I am looking for Loki.”  
“He's gone. He just went outside, probably looking for a quiet place to practice his magic...”  
“Ah, sure...”  
There was a moment of silence until Sif asked:  
“So, does Loki sleep here often?”  
“Sometimes, yes.”  
Thor wasn't even paying full attention, still determined to find Loki.  
“Say, Thor, have you ever had a women in your bed?”  
His mind snapped back to her.  
“Why is everyone suddenly asking me about women? I don't need a woman.”  
“Do you even know what you're saying?”  
Sif sighed.  
“I'm saying that I don't need anyone as long as I have him. I love him.”  
She closed her eyes as if she was hurt. When she talked she sounded like she looked.  
“But he doesn't 'love' you. Or maybe he does and you don't. Maybe you both do but not in the same way.”  
She trailed off.  
“Do you even realize what a mess the two of you are?”  
But Thor wasn't able to answer. Not only because Sif just turned around and left him standing but also because there was this thought nagging at his brain.

***

This night when Loki came back to his room Thor was still confused by what Sif had said earlier.  
“What is bothering you, Thor?”  
Shortly the god of thunder smiled – Loki had always felt when there was something wrong with him. He waited for Loki to join him under the blanket before he answered:  
“Sif said something that is confusing me a bit.”, he explained.  
Loki put his arm around the waist he was so familiar with by now, offering:  
“Tell me about it, maybe I can enlighten you.”  
Thor hesitated for about two seconds.  
“She said something about us loving each other not the same way... Loki, do you love me as your brother?"   
He gulped. How was he supposed to reply to that?   
“Do you trust me, Thor?”  
“Of course I-”  
He stopped. Loki had put his lips softly on the spot where shoulder meets neck causing him to shiver.  
“Loki, what?”  
“It's fine, Thor, it's fine. Just answer.”  
He continued placing feather-light kisses on the god's neck as he said:  
“Of course I trust you, you know that, brother.”  
“Do you … trust Sif … more than … me?”  
Between the words he rewarded Thor with more kisses.  
“I- no.”  
Loki stopped to give more emphasis to his words.  
“Then you should never doubt my feelings for you, Thor.” I do love you more dearly than anyone, please believe me.”  
Thor nodded shortly and Loki continued caressing his neck with soft, little pecks until he heard quiet snoring.

***

Thor had soon stopped counting how often Loki had spent his nights in his beds, body warming up his own, soft lips playing with his neck. It was a shame he always fell asleep so fast, Thor sometimes thought. He'd love to feel his brother like this for a longer time.  
So this night when Loki showed up the god of thunder forced himself to stay awake as long as possible. It was comfortable, lying there in his bed, maybe too comfortable so it was really hard for him to not just fall asleep – but he somehow managed to.  
Thor had lost track of time long before Loki asked him:  
“Thor, what is wrong?”  
Thor turned around, a questioning look in his eyes.  
“Nothing.”  
Loki watched him suspiciously before he replied.  
“It is not like you to still be awake.”  
“Ah, it's just..”  
Thor stopped, scratching his neck as if he suddenly felt embarrassed of his own thoughts. Though when he realized that when his fingers were right now Loki's lips had been before he pushed them way back in his mind.  
“I wanted to spend more time like this with you, brother.”  
For a part of a second Thor thought to have spotted hope in his brother's eyes but it soon disappeared. It were hurt and anger that took it's place.  
“Will you please shut up now?”  
Thor's eyes widened in shock. Maybe it was stupid to have these thoughts after all?  
“You really didn't get it, did you? After all this time! How could I think you'd ever understand me?”  
This insult hurt like needles right inside Thor's whole body.  
“What am I supposed to understand? Loki, brother, please-”  
But the god of thunder was cut off. Loki had grabbed his face and pressed their lips together. It happened to fast, to surprisingly that it was impossible for Thor to react. Loki knew that and still he was disappointed didn't even push him away but just half-sat, half-lied next to him with a blank expression.  
“This is why I can't be your brother anymore.”  
As he said that Loki turned around to go but Thor caught his wrist.  
“Stay.”  
The god of mischief closed his eyes, trying hard to suppress his tears.  
“I can't, Thor.”  
Loki tried to pull his hand out of Thor's grip – Thor wouldn't let him.  
“Why not?”  
“Why not!?”  
Loki spun around, looking at the other god as if he had just declared war to the earth.  
“Thor, do you even realize what just happened?”  
Thor was about to answer just as stubborn as he had before but this words somehow made him think about everything again:  
How Loki had told him he didn't want to be his brother but more.  
How Sif had said that they didn't love each other the same way.  
How Loki had come back every single night to sleep with him in his bed.  
And that was when it finally hit him. His hand dropped and his eyes widened.  
Loki laughed a bitter laugh.  
“So you did eventually understand... It actually is a pity. Good bye, Thor.”  
“Wait!”  
Loki stopped.  
“You don't need to go. Please stay, Loki.”  
The god hesitated.  
“I told you I would do everything to be with you-”  
“I don't want it like that.”  
“-and I meant it.”, Thor said, ignoring Loki's attempt to convince him otherwise.  
“I do want to be with you like that if it means you will stay with me - this is all I ever wanted. And just because I didn't act on it until now doesn't mean I didn't feel it. If I didn't like it I wouldn't have let you cuddle me and kiss my neck. I do in fact understand some kind of intimacy, Loki.”  
Loki stared at him with wide eyes. He needed a few moments to let everything sink in and to proceed what Thor had just said.  
“So... If I would ask you right now if I could kiss you again...”  
“I would let you. Without a second thought.”  
The last words were spoken mumbled against Loki's lips who didn't want just one more second be wasted.  
This night they fell asleep facing each other, being equal, being even closer than before.

***

The following morning was the first time in weeks when Thor didn't wake up alone – Loki was still lying next to him, eyes closed and breath even. He watched the other god for a few moments. He could very well be still asleep but the wide smile on his lips as well as the stroking of his thumb over Thor's back gave him away.  
Thor leaned towards him, pressing a soft kiss onto Loki's forehead. Right where his lips had left the skin alone a frown began to form.  
The god of thunder laughed his deep, roaring laugh and then finally captured Loki's lips with his own.

THE END


End file.
